Our clothes, our image often become decisive in building relationships, both with a potential partner and with the outside world as a whole. How does clothing affect our lives? We asked Ekaterina Alskaya, a professional psychologist-sexologist, head of the Culture of Love center, to answer.
Ekaterina, let's start from the opposite, what clothes or shoes can be attributed to asexual outfits?
- I would not like to create patterns in clothes, now glamorous magazines write a lot about this, especially since I am not a stylist. One thing I can say:
For some, only girls are sexy, but for someone, items of clothing (fetishism), watching, but not touching (voyeurism), demonstrating themselves (exhibitionism). To some extent, we can find all these signs in ourselves: we love how a man's shirt smells, we like to peep out the windows or watch porn, we love to send our nude photos to our beloved. We are repulsed by ideal people, we fall in love for the zest, for what made her / him stand out from the crowd, that resonated in our soul.
Therefore, be yourself, dress as your soul asks. If you are an informal woman in a hat on one side and in bots a la the 60s - be yourself, do not dress up like a Barbie, this is your feature, you love freedom, self-expression is your inner world. Most likely, you and a partner want the same next. If you hide yourself under the guise of standards, how will he know you?
And which, on the contrary, can cause violent sexual attraction?
- Men are visual, it is important for them to look and see. Deep neckline, tight-fitting dress, stockings instantly evoke sexual desire, but not sexual attraction. What is the difference? Desire extends to all objects of the feminine gender in his field of vision, and the attraction is to you. Do you want to own it alone? Are you the queen? Therefore, think about how to stand out among the many sharks (Laughs).
Is it possible to determine the temperament of a partner by clothes?
- There are some common features, but, of course, they are conditional.
Choleric people follow fashion, they quickly become excited and also quickly lose interest, so their wardrobe is full of spontaneous purchases, often not combined with each other. Deprived of moderation, they care little about the harmonization of clothing. "Little space in the closet and absolutely nothing to wear."
Sanguine - without him, the fashion market would have collapsed. All the first new items are in his wardrobe. Constantly requires variety, does not get attached to the old, easily distributes what has been lying for a long time. He is well versed in the latest trends, loves elegance and sophistication. He gladly advises everyone how and what to dress, sometimes overly imposing his opinion, letting go of sharp statements about mistakes in choosing a wardrobe, thereby offending relatives and friends.
The phlegmatic is conservative, selects and prefers classic forms adapted to fashion trends. Appreciates convenience and rarely changes the chosen style. They may lag behind fashion, but they are not at all tense, harmonious and holistic.
Melancholic - they are loyal and calm about fashion, but they rarely follow it because of modesty, indecision and inertia. Very often invisible in the crowd. However, if you look closely at them, you can find a treasure under the wrapper.
Where is the line between attractive sexuality and frankly vulgar vulgarity?
- A slight hint of accessibility: clothes of tanned skin color are perceived by the male brain as nudity, he looks for similar images in his "file library" and finds an image of a naked woman, which immediately signals: attention - naked girl - to touch - nice - desire - to start, attention, march! Yes, the brain sometimes makes mistakes, we can take a stick for a snake, but there is no way back, a message is sent through neural connections, the reaction is launched. Such a woman, even if she is in a business suit, will attract the attention of a man. Moreover, he will not even understand what exactly she attracted his attention, because the processing of external signals and feedback occurs instantly.
It can also attract - a light cut of a flying fabric, a turtleneck or a dress with a blind collar without a bra, a few unbuttoned buttons, a bracelet on a bare wrist. There must be some kind of game: the hunter is the victim, I beckon, but I run away, catch up. A certain appeal: reach for me and take possession, you will fall into the gates of paradise. It's interesting, it's delicious, use it.
And if a girl dresses frankly vulgarly, it can be compared with a game torn to pieces by someone - the skin was removed, there is nothing to hide behind, take whoever wants. Who will run into her? Vulture or jackal. Well, what can I say? "What a pop, such a parish."
For whom, first of all, does a woman dress - for a man, for herself or, perhaps, for her friends? And for whom should I dress?
- There is such a concept in transpersonal psychology: to be at zero. What does it mean? Imagine a coordinate system where there is an intersection of abscissas, ordinates and applicate, just being at this point in life manifestations, you receive and give, at this moment you are here, you are everywhere and you are nowhere. Thus, you allow space to open up in all planes, expanding life opportunities. So in the answer to your question: dress for yourself, for your friends, and for men at the same time, and you will never get into trouble.
How, with the help of clothes, you can not only attract the attention of a man you like, but also keep him?
- "Tell me who your friend is and I will tell you who you are." Let me see how you dress - and I will see your inner world. It is easy to attract attention, it is difficult to keep it. And here it is not the wrapper that plays a role, but the content. Invest in education, develop spiritually, fill yourself with knowledge and practical skills, become interesting to yourself, and then you won't have to hold back, you will choose who you want to be with.
And, at the end of our dialogue, on the eve of the New Year, we cannot but ask - what to celebrate the holiday?
- 2017 will pass under the sign of the Fiery Red Rooster. The name itself speaks of passion and love. Think about what you intend to decisively get rid of, and leave in 2016? What do you want to attract in 2017? Take action now: first, pick up a red or pastel gold cocktail dress, high-heeled shoes that visually lengthen and decorate the leg and accessories to match the main color and start writing a new scenario for your happy life.
Love and be loved! Your Ekaterina Alskaya.